Men are from mars women are from venus- improving communication in relationships.
As a medical doctor in the making, i have come to understand that the mental health of a person is just as important as the physical health. States such as anxiety, unhappiness, dejection, loneliness, etc which are the default setting of some take a toll on ones general health.
Most people in relationships are at one time or always experiencing some form of unhealthy mental states. Research shows that communication or lack of it thereof is one of the major reasons why marriages fail or relationships break. Communication is paramount to building intimacy.
This book is about understanding the differences between men and women and living with the knowledge to make relationships healthy. I recommend you read it, but here i would highlight some of my take home points. So lets go:
Remembering our differences. We might both be of the same species, but we definately are different behavior wise, as we are anatomically. Understanding these differences can help improve our relationship with the opposite sex. We mistakenly assume that if our partners love us they will react and behave in certain ways-the way we react and behave when we love someone. Well breaking news, men express their love in a different way from women.
When a woman has something bothering her, she likes to talk (i can go over the same thing for 2hrs). You know, the details become so important to us we want to express everything we feel into words, and what exactly do we want from talking? Empathy. A woman is not necessarily going through all the talking so her man can find a solution to her problem, she just wants him to listen and empathize with her. But news flash, men don’t listen (its not their fault though, i don’t want to imagine listening to myself for that long). The thing is men are solution oriented and less concerned about empathizing with our emotional states, so they listen a little and try to find a solution to our problems. When a man has a problem, he goes into his cave. Men don’t like to talk about their problems-unless it is necessary, instead they withdraw and try to think of a solution. The God given nature of caring and nurturing a woman has would make her try to nurture him by asking questions about his feelings, worry about him, hover around him try to get him to talk etc. Most times he just wants to be alone, and the support and care from the woman can be counterproductive.
Men and women speak different languages. Women express feelings with words while men express information with words. Men give literal translations to what women say, eg,
Woman: we never go out
Man: That’s not true we went out last month.
What she really meant
Woman: I feel like going out and doing something together. We always have such a fun time, and i love being with you. What do you think? Would you take me out to dinner? It has been a few days since we went out
What he heard
Man: you are not doing your job. We never do anything together anymore because you are lazy, unromantic and just boring.
Men and women score points differently. To a woman, little things matter, to a man, the big things are what count. A man thinks working hard to put a roof over her head, feed her and take her on vacation once in a year is all that matters and it has scored him 100points with her. But a woman wants all the little things inbetween. She wants to be told how beautiful she is everyday, she wants spontaneous and deliberate hugs, she wants appreciation for the work she is putting in at home, she wants you to ask about her day, she wants undivided attention when she has something to say, she wants you to empathize with her, offer to help her when she is tired, call her to let her know you would be late, ask for her opinion, show interest in what she does during the day, buy her little presents like chocolates etc. To a woman, all these little details score as much points as the fat paycheck you are bringing in every month.
Men are motivated when they are needed, women are motivated when they are cherished.
My thoughts: Like no two people are the same, we are all wired in different ways, and the key to building a strong relationship is understanding what makes your spouse ‘tick’ and acting based on that knowledge. Don’t be afraid to point out things you want them to improve on, but in a loving way. Avoid arguments, instead, have meaningful discussions (most couples start out arguing about one thing and end up arguing about the way they are arguing).
That’s all for today, hope the post is helpful. Let me know your thoughts in the comment section. Thanks. Hasta pronto! Adios!