Relationship Tools

Hello people, its another write up today, and its on relationship again. May be i should just become a relationship therapist after this post…teeth out… Was thinking on what to write about next, then remembered i once wrote out some things i needed to have in my marriage, so i would share some with you guys today.

No relationship can ever be perfect. Different people from different backgrounds, with different outlooks on life coming together to make things work relationship wise can pose to be a problem and a difficult one at that if some tools are missing. Most of the tools required have to be worked on deliberately by each party- it takes two to tango. Here are some of the aspects i consider necessary in a relationship apart from love and being on the same page spiritually. So, vamonos(‘let’s go’ in spanish):

1) RESPECT: Now, i don’t mean waking up in the morning and kneeling for your spouse in greeting or using sir or ma for them. Most people don’t know what it means to respect their spouse. Men just demand respect because they think they are the head. But a man is really the head in the place of love, and a good woman properly loved will respect you without you demanding it. Few ways to show your respect are: *Avoid insulting your partner or making them feel small or unworthy. Carefully choose your words even when angry, cause words spoken can’t be taken back. When you resort to calling your partner names over little issues, it shows how little you really see them. *Make your spouse know that his/her opinion matters. Seek their advice, don’t just do what you want. Even if they have little understanding about the matter, still tell them and tell them about your plans.*Honour your partners boundaries. Don’t do things just because you can. if they don’t want it, don’t do it.

The key to respect is for you to first understand your worth and be consciously aware of the fact that you deserve to be respected, this positive message will automatically be transmitted to your spouse. When you know you deserve respect, you won’t put up with some disrespectful situations.

2) COMPLEMENTING EACH OTHERS GOALS: I once saw in a Psychology text book that it is false that opposites attract in a romantic relationship, like minds attract. Find someone with the same passion and goals in life as you ( i don’t mean find someone with the same career) or someone who understands what you want out of life and is willing to help you achieve it, But first things first, you have to find yourself as a person and know what you want in life, only then can you communicate these goals to your partner. People tend to lose themselves in marriage just to make their partners happy. You are first a person before you are a wife or husband. Find the right balance between you and marriage or relationship.

3) COMMUNICATION AND UNDERSTANDING: Very vital for every relationship, check my previous post on it. READ HERE

4) PATIENCE/ENDURANCE: I imagine if you ask a woman about patience in a relationship, she would say something like – “aaaahhh! you need a lot of patience to deal with men oh! if not you will be frustrated and leave”. If you ask a man, he would go – “women? if you are not patient, they would just drive you crazy within one month”. If you ask me, i would say any man that is marrying me would need a double dose of patience…lol…

Sometimes, your patience has to span out into endurance. Always choose to be patient with your spouse if you are trying to get your way with them. When you expect something (it can be wisdom or maturity) from a partner and its not forthcoming, it is easy to lose your patience. Just remember, a little spoon of patience added to your relationship recipe wouldn’t destroy the delicacy you’ve been cooking. 

5) HONESTY AND TRUST: Honesty breeds trust. A little lie spoils the whole recipe. A lie can make your partner question everything you have ever told them and will still tell them. The excuse of ‘ I lied just to protect you’ is just that – an excuse. Its hard for your partner to trust you- even when you are right in front of them not to talk of when you are not- if you lie to them.

6) SET #RELATIONSHIPGOALS: This is a fun one to help spice up the romance in the relationship (if you use instagram or twitter you would understand…winks…). Plan fun things to do together in a week or month. They can just be little things like: cook a meal together, eat pizza and watch a movie in the car, go bike riding together, read a book together, choreograph a song, climb mount everest together 😆 etc. These are just fun ways to spend more time together and get to talk, doing new or little things consistently, together, helps you get closer.

My thoughts: It all begins with you knowing what you want as a person, and going for it. If you have to work on some of your qualities or lose some negative ones, then do, compromise is part of relationship. But don’t settle for less than you deserve or desire or you can possibly have.

That’s it for today guys. There is more to be mentioned, but i will stop here. Let me know your thoughts on this below. Love, Thanks. Visit again for more.

 

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