Are you speaking the right language to your significant other? PART 2

Hello every one! Last week, I made a post on how we all have different love languages and how they can be categorized into five(5). I took two(2) of those love languages, so lets take the remaining now. If you didn’t read the first post you can read it here first before reading this.

Love language 3- Receiving gifts

You have a thought in mind, you express it by giving, which is an expression of love. A gift is a symbol of your thought towards someone. It doesn’t matter if it costs money or not, what matters is that you had the person in mind, that is why you gave them a gift. Gifts are visual symbols of love. To someone whose primary love language is receiving gifts, the cost of the gift will matter little. Unless, it is greatly out of line with what you can afford. If you can afford to buy flowers, buy it. If you can’t and your spouse likes flowers, pick some on your way home. If you can afford a card, buy it. If you can’t cut out a piece of paper or cardboard and write out the things you want to express.

Leave random gifts for your spouse, it can be as little as a piece of chocolate they like; leave it somewhere you know they would find it. These random gifts go a long way in making your spouse feel loved, knowing you are thinking of them. If your spouse’s primary love language is receiving gifts, you can become a proficient gift giver. In fact, it is one of the easiest love languages to learn.

You can also give your self/presence as a gift to your spouse. Being there when your spouse needs you speaks loudly to the one whose primary love language is receiving gifts. Physical presence in the time of crisis is the most powerful gift you can give if your spouse’s love language is receiving gifts. Your body becomes the symbol of your love. Remove the symbol and sense of love evaporates.

Love language 4 – Acts of service

Acts of service – doing things you know your spouse would like you to do. You seek to please them by serving them. Doing things around the house like cleaning, cooking, washing the car, clearing the garage, taking out garbage, helping your spouse with their personal work etc are all acts of service. They require thoughts, planning, time, effort and energy. If done with a positive spirit, they are indeed expressions of love.

A woman whose primary love language is acts of service will feel loved when her husband helps her out with the chores at home even without her asking. A man whose primary love language is acts of service will feel loved when he comes home to a clean house and a good meal.

Some men have stereotypes that a woman must do all the chores in the house and it isn’t in their line of work. You hear things like “my mother did all the work in the house and she was happy doing it. My father never helped out at home, so why should I?” Well, your mothers primary love language wasn’t acts of service that is why she never complained and your father was making her feel loved in some other way. If your wife’s primary love language is acts of service, she would not feel loved enough by you no matter what else you do to please her. There are no rewards for maintaining stereotypes, but there are benefits to meeting the emotional needs of your spouse.

Love language 5 – Physical touch.

Physical touch is also a powerful vehicle for communicating marital love. For some individuals, physical touch is their primary love language. Without it, they feel unloved. In marriage, the touch of love may take many forms, since touch receptors are located throughout the body. Lovingly touching your spouse almost anywhere can be an expression of love. That does not mean that all touches are rated equal. Some will bring more pleasure to your spouse than others. Your best instructor is your spouse. Don’t insist on touching them in your way and in your time. Learn to speak their love dialect. Your spouse may find some touches uncomfortable or irritating. Insisting on continuing those touches is to communicate the opposite of love.

Love touches can be as simple as putting your hand on their shoulder or holding their hands. This requires little time but much thought. Sitting close together on the couch as you watch your favorite Tv program, requires no additional time, but may communicate your love loudly. Touching each other when you leave the house and again when you return may involve only a brief kiss or hug, but will speak volumes to your spouse. Love touches may also be explicit and demand your full attention, such as a back rub or sexual intercourse. Explicit love touches obviously takes more time and energy in learning to develop your understanding of how to communicate love to your spouse this way.

If your spouse’s primary love language is physical touch, you may have to device new ways and places to touch to keep it exciting.

How to identify your own primary love language?

Spend some time writing down what you think is your primary love language. Then list the other four in order of importance.

There are 3 ways to discover your own primary love language:

  1. What does your spouse do or fail to do that hurts you most deeply? The opposite of what hurts you most is probably your love language.
  2. What have you most often requested of your spouse? The thing you have most often requested is likely the thing that would make you feel most loved.
  3. In what way do you regularly express love to your spouse? Your method of expressing love may be an indication that that would also make you feel loved.

Using these 3 approaches will help you identify your primary love language so you can communicate it to your spouse. Thanks for reading. Do well to leave your comments below and don’t forget to subscribe to the blog. Love.

 

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